Delighted to share ‘Am/Immoral’ by Bleuenn Gacel. You can follow Bleuenn on Instagram @blue_nn13.
TRANSCRIPT:
One day, sitting on my swing, I realized I had grown up. Shit. I always felt like I missed the child I was, who did not care about standards, sexuality, gender codes: I looked at my feet very serenely while taking off from my swing, wearing pants, skirts, dresses. In absolute Amorality. Short hair, long hair; in the rain or under the sun. I was just swinging.
Yet, a part of me is happy to have grown up: the path between my little self and my (forever little) present self was filled with doubts, uncertainties, and hang-ups, despite the laughs, friends, and hangouts.
From time to time, I still sit on my swing, comfortably engulfing myself in my nostalgia, I still long for that fantasized time, but no longer in the same way: I now just miss some moments.
Without returning entirely to my childish state, I have now reached this in-between condition of normative ignorance – this time while being aware of what norms are and deliberately choosing to ignore them, to denounce them, to scratch the opaque white windows, until they regain their panchromatic colors. I go from amorality to immorality. Did I really grow up in the end? (I just like coffee, alcohol, and poetry a bit more today than I did before.)
Today, I am still swinging on every side: my love no longer being all innocent and chaste. Yet it is as colorful, as plural, and as legitimate, as it was when I was a lovable child: through the freshly cleaned windows, my inclination remains curious, open and free.
